You had me at hello . . .

Have you ever thought about all the time we've spent in our lives kissing?

We could probably spell it before we really knew what it was, from taunting children singing their song, "Carol and Eric, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!". (wonder where little Eric is these days? Hmmmm. . .) Or that first foolish peck of an adolescent boy fumbling to do what he thought he ought to do, but not really knowing how to do it. Or the memory of the safety that a parent's kiss brought before tucking you in for the night. Kissing is a way to connect, to show affection, to love.

Today, however, there seems to be a swell toward greeting everyone with a kiss. I don't know about you but I still feel awkward about this. After all, my family was not a family of demonstration. Not like the family that grew up a few doors down from me where even we kids were greeted with a big smooch and hug. No, my family was reserved, with a hug being the most that we would do in the most formal of occasions.

So as times have evolved, I find myself kissing all kinds of people these days- friends, co-workers who I see frequently and infrequently, and even strangers who are introduced to me. Odd, isn't it? One of the most intimate gestures reduced to a peck on the cheek, or at least waving your face in that direction and moving on to the next person?

I seem to have perfected my own "signature move". I like to call it the "grip and smooch". Perfect for business situations, I put out my hand for a shake and then as the person draws me in, I bend my arm creating a slight gap between the kisser and me. The kiss usually ends up deflecting into air just above the person's right ear which suits me fine.

I watch at large meetings for the notorious kissers. You know the ones. Tons of cologne if a man, tons of makeup if a woman. The telltale signs are there on both sides- the lipstick smear on a man's shirt or jacket shoulder or in my case- I seem to smell like various men's cologne all day.

The worst of it, though, is the sweaty guy. Every office has one. He sweats constantly and is always wiping his brow. It's like clockwork that this guy sees me at a meeting and then swoops in for the smooch. I slide right off his face and then spend the next ten minutes hoping to find a tissue with which to wipe my face. I'm all for going with the flow- but does anyone else find this a little gross?

And it's a "Germ o Rama". Do you think it's coincidence that we all come back from large conferences sick at the same time? Heck no! We've been passing germs on a first name basis through all this darn kissing!

And then don't get me started on the protocol for International kissing (and I'm not talking French!) Is it a double kiss? Single kiss? Both sides? Three sides? I am quite sure I am going to get a black eye one of these days as I will stop in the middle of the greeting sure that it is over, only to have the person return for some part of my face that hasn't been kissed and catch me in the eye with his chin! Urrgh!

I think it's a trend to stay and maybe I am the only one who finds it a little much. I long for the days when a mere handshake would do in a business situation.

But for now, since this trend seems here to stay, I am going to keep perfecting my signature move and try to stay away from that sweaty guy. But if you are reading this and notice the next time we greet that my kiss on the check is more like a fly by your right ear . . . .you'll know you've just witnessed the old "grip and smooch". Pretty effective, eh?